ASK A FORMER #4 – Mental Health Support
By: Liz Moore
Mental health support is one of the key tools formers use as they process their pasts and work to build new lives. However, finding help that is positive, safe, and productive is not always easy or straightforward.
This month’s questions come to us from a practitioner who offered the team incredible insight into what Exit looks like from the outside and through a practitioner’s lens. This led to a deep, honest, and, for some of us, raw discussion on the Ask a Former podcast. The following responses were developed based on insights from the conversation between Angela, Brad, Jamie, Lauren, and me.
- What victories can we help participants celebrate that may not be obvious to everyone?
Simply showing up to the first meeting with a therapist or exit support team member takes courage and should be recognized and appreciated. For formers, the world can feel very small and almost everyone can feel unsafe at some level. Choosing to be open enough to trust people in that first meeting and to begin accepting support is a huge first step!
Mental health support is one of the key tools formers use as they process their pasts and work to build new lives. However, finding help that is positive, safe, and productive is not always easy or straightforward.
To build on this, our comfort zones can be very constrained at the beginning, so choosing to try something new or going somewhere that previously felt off-limits is also worth celebrating.
Just as new actions can be notable, so can new thoughts. Creating healthier ways to cope with stress and remaining mindful of our reactions to conflict can be evidence of significant progress. Pointing these out and helping formers recognize these signposts provides essential feedback.
- What is our relationship to anger today?
Anger is a normal human emotion; however, formers may have a lot of work to do to learn positive and productive ways to channel this emotion and the energy that comes with it.
Understanding that it is a secondary emotion, often arising from something else, such as sadness or shame, can help us understand why we are angry and what is going on. Getting to the root cause of the feelings, instead of reacting on instinct, can help formers build better coping strategies.
Getting to the root cause of the feelings, instead of reacting on instinct, can help formers build better coping strategies.
Some of these new methods are different from the ways we used to cope with our emotions. Writing an article or participating in a data-driven, solutions-focused nonprofit, for example, can turn anger from something destructive into a productive, prosocial emotional response.
- What is the worst advice we've been given as formers?
The worst advice seems to be intertwined with people’s preconceptions and misunderstanding about extremists’ pasts and how we should relate to them. In some cases, people assume that formers should be able to speak publicly about traumatic and challenging experiences multiple times a day without it having any emotional impact. In other cases, people are advised not to disclose their pasts at all, out of concern that it might negatively impact their careers and other positive life developments.
Any boundaries or choices a former makes around disclosure and sharing should be respected, and people should not be pressured into actions that feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
Our ability to disclose, and our choice not to, is highly individualized and relies on a variety of factors, including the strength of our support networks and the impact our past has on our present work and insights. Any boundaries or choices a former makes around disclosure and sharing should be respected, and people should not be pressured into actions that feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
- Was it challenging to find a therapist who felt safe, capable, and whom you could trust?
For those of us in the podcast roundtable who had sought mental health support for extremist-related issues, everyone had a story about being turned away at least once by a therapist who did not feel comfortable entering into a therapeutic relationship. The lack of training on extremist movements is an ongoing concern, but fortunately, that is slowly changing. It isn’t reasonable to expect therapists to be up to date on all groups and current actors. However, having a general understanding about the emotional impact of exiting extremism is essential, and such training should be part of the standard therapeutic curriculum in the future.
A painful point is the way therapists or social workers may decline to work with a former. This should be done with care as the former may be in crisis. Alternative resource options should be provided, and therapists should ensure that those practitioners or programs are indeed accepting new clients. A list of people who are going to leave a former on a waitlist, for instance, with no guarantee of support, is not helpful.
- What advice would we give others?
Not everyone is going to find the right therapeutic fit immediately, and it is okay to take your time finding a therapist or mental health support program. The power dynamics between therapist and patient can feel unbalanced, but we are allowed to make choices about our supports, whether it’s after one meeting or a few.
Talk therapy can be helpful, especially when working through immediate crises. However, going into treatment with specific goals about what you want to work on will help you avoid getting stuck in an endless loop of talking about problems without making much progress.
Finding someone who is trauma-informed, and/or has relatable lived experiences, can be helpful as well. A therapist who “gets it” can help bypass some of the educational conversations, so the focus can remain on giving and receiving support.
For formers, finding helpful mental health support can be an ongoing struggle, lasting well past the initial post-exit phase. Having open conversations between formers, therapists, social workers, and other mental health support providers is key to building appropriate training and increasing the overall level of understanding required in these fields. This knowledge is not just academic – it can be essential for people who are rebuilding their lives, and growing their spirits. We are grateful for these questions and welcome further dialogue with interested members of mental health practitioner communities.
